Taking A Break

Hmmm...
Today was a wake up call...
I screwed up my German language test.
It made me realised how much I have been slacking for half of the semester.
I do not know why I felt unmotivated to strive hard for my degree although I agree on its importance, how much its value and impact it has on my life.
But it has been a good wake up call.
I made me wonder why I am an undergraduate and the importance that my role has on my indiviual life and my social setting.

Went home early for the first time in like two months...
Chatted with my professor, Dr. Why and gained some perspectives on the situation of the intellectual situation in NUS, especially in the department of Psychology... Tho i will not dwell much into it...

I have to agree with the fact that you cannot push to excel as an educational university whilst at the same time, emphasizing to the same degree to excel as a research university. It will definitely have an impact on the lecturers who will have to juggle loads of research and teaching requisites. It is not to say it is not possible but hey, they are humans too... and definitely, there is a ceiling till which one will be exhausted.

I believe the problem lies with the culture and the infastructure of the university itself. It defintely is an excellent university with recognised performance but i feel something seems to be missing among the undergraduates. It is not common for your peers to discuss intellectual subjects unless it is module related. i may be generalising but it happened to me. i have not yet find a group of individuals where we can constantly engage each other on stuffs or events that is happening the world over, across disciplines and on pertinent issues, so as to help each other to be undergraduates, critical of events or social issues or to even the sciences. To have depth in the way one thinks and reproduce original ideas. That of course is the most challenging part...

The thing is, most discussions I came across were started by foreign students and if I am to be in a group of local undergrads, we will be talking "omong kosong", relatively less useful stuffs. Not to say we cant, but sometimes at the point, it gets too much... I guess he is right in saying that to an extent, from the top down, there isnt a research culture present that is strong and viable, such that it can sustain the undergrads to enable a more independent individual who is very much involved in what he do. I am guilty of that.

So should I blame the top? i guess not, cos to an extent we have the choice to pave the way to how we want to shape our development, but still, if the top can see that the research culture is less than strong and involving, they have the capability to shape the culture and direct a change. For this is a top down process, the people in power to direct and create change has the power to influence and motivate. If the profs has a change to fully commit to their speciality, say, research, it can have a trickle effect that can motivate the students to fully grasp the intrinsic properties of research, and thus, eventually, understands the meaning of being an undergrad.

Of course, there are many facets to the argument because we cannot deny that it is a dynamic situation afterall, considering the social influence and the individual factors that are involved. So, wat I presented is just a small piece of a bigger multi dimensional argument. Definitely, it will has its flaws.

So, i guess my life as an undergraduate is ending. I do not think, realistically, achieve what I hope to achieve when I entered. maybe I got lost, or maybe, I never did grasp the culture of independent learning.

But as Suriani has said, it is what you make of it, if you really want it so much, then just strive to do it, againts all odds.

She has a point.

And that is why I need to wake up.

I have only a few months left. Even if I cannot do honours, at least give it your all. Give yourself the opportunity to be original. To generate ideas, to give ideas, to fulfill your academic potential. With what time that is left.

Why harp and wonder with the what Ifs when you can plan the path you want to take in the future and try to fulfill it as best as you can. If you are not successful, at least you tried, rather than not.

Fight on For the Future!
Woohoo!
I feel excited.

Chio Bu and Me! Whahaha!