Life in 2005...

So yeah, 2005 passes by, the year filled with new insights into life, new experiences which quickly come to pass as memories of the past...

A year perhaps I spent the most caring about the other,
2005 - A year of sacrifice
2005 - A year where Love is born and Love is Lost... and Re-borned...
2005 - A year of learning and maturing of the emotional aspects and character of the individual...
2005 - A year in a way I have not achieved the goals I set out to achieve... (well, dropping to 3.4 and the uncertainty grows whether I can get to 4.0 with 3 semesters left)
2005 - A year where the unexpected happens... Again and again... and again...
2005 - It starts of with laughter, grows with a smile, fades with tears, ends with a sublime feeling of contentment... In Him, I seek the one greatest assurances of my life, for my present, and if He wills it with His grace and love, the future...
2005 - In a way, it has been a year when a plethora of complicated issues of the emotions entered my life in ways I never expected... "It just happened" - though mediocre in definition, it reflected many incidents and its start in my life...
2005 - Certainty Gained and thrown away... but...
2005 - Learn, Appreciate, Realize, Understand...

I realised many aspects of my life was neglected then...
My direction in my studies, My life, what really I want to do in life...
As I am clearing my room, and looking back into my life, in 2005 and beyond into the past, I realised I neglected myself...
Scored 247, entered a good secondary school, poorly exited with 20 then without any skills that I can bring forward, scraped through to JC, left my initial intentions behind, more driven with getting a place to continue on... a rather less ordinary results as I exited JC... continuous application to university three yeas in a row... scraped thru to university... and still without life skills and maturity of thought... (how disjointed the points of what was reflected is basically how screwed up life was...)
I may be trying to achieve the near perfection of character, of having a vision, a goal in life... but all this while, I have been afraid... Afraid of myself, afraid of what might happen... No guide... Afraid to even ask how... Afraid to even seek how...

But hey!
That has been the past!
I need to break free!
Learn and understand...
Follow the heart they say, and it will lead you to happiness...
But I rather communicate with both heart and mind in congruence, so that both can see together what the other cannot...

"Do not magnify your flaws and let them define who you are, rather love yourself for the strengths that you have, because if you don't feel that you yourself is deserving or adequate, then who else will..."
An advice from Suriani that I will remember and guide myself in redefining who I am...
Yup, only the oneself can define and create a wholsesome self, not from the perceptions of another... It stars from the self...

I have to Fight Myself
I have to Fight For Myself
I have to Fight On For Myself
I have to Fight For the Future
I have to Fight On For the Future

And a sleepy morning... Silat BBq later... Need to go school early...
and I keep forgetting that I need to go to beach road to scout for a medi-kit...

Resolution 2006: Remember! Do not forget!

Heh... Its been a long emotionally draining ride in 2005
What's in 2006?
Academic Excellence...
Intellectual Maturity...
Emotional Maturity...
and a reduced tummy... (need to regain my NS days body and fitness!!)
Heh...